Being that I am a man and haven’t anything but my memories of the time when I was starting out my relationships with girls to go by, I feel that my thoughts are still relevant to young relationships of today. These are my observations of my youth and my experiences as a young man. If you are just starting to consider relationships with the opposite sex, you’re about to start one of the most magical periods in your life. Let me warn you, there will be ups and downs, there will be great joy and great sorrow. By pursuing these relationships you will have your heart broken more than once, so try not to wear your feelings on your sleeve. Now contrary to what young girls think, boys do not in any way take subtle hints, let me repeat that, because this is very important, if you like a boy and you want to let him know that you like, you’re hinting at that fact will not, I repeat, will not let him know. I don’t know what it is about men and boys in general but we do not understand when a girl is trying to get us to understand something without saying it. No, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t run up to the boy and bare your heart and soul and say I’m in love with you, because most likely you’ll get your heart broken. You must remember that when it comes to relationships boys are far less mature because they don’t have the responsibilities of what a relationship can mean like a girl does. You also must remember that it’s much easier to get your heart broken when you’re asking someone you like on a date. The fear of rejection in young boys is a very strong emotion, so be patient with him. It may take him a while to dig up the courage. Remember he’s just as much afraid of having his feelings hurt as much as you are, but boys are not expected to show their feelings in public like girls are allowed to do. If you want a boy to like you, you have to do several things. Before I give you a strategy that always worked on me, let me make perfectly clear that if the boy is not into you or doesn’t like you for some reason or another, this or anything else will not make him like you, but you might make a lifelong friend. First thing you need to do is to make a point of every time you see him, say hello. You don’t have to make long conversations, just in passing, say good morning or whatever time it is. The second thing is complement him when he has done something that you like. Once more, I want to tell you, don’t gush over him just say something like I’m so glad you made the honor roll and leave it at that. If he starts to talk to you and wants to hold a conversation then, by all means, talk to him but don’t stumble all over yourself. He’s just a boy and you’re just a girl. Talk about the things that he likes and you like as well. Also, don’t go hunting him down or spy on him and report back to your friends. You will see him often enough to have the chance to say hello without becoming a nuisance. On the other hand, if he is attempting to find you don’t run away but, for the first while, keep your conversation short and pleasant and go about your business. If these things work and he asks you out, by all means, no matter how you actually feel, make some excuse for him to give you a little time before you give him an answer, like I have ask my parents. Yes, I’m saying keep him waiting. Anticipation is the spice of life, however, you must get back to him in an appropriate time frame. Don’t make him wait until the last second before your planned date. You must also remember that you as a girl are in complete control of the situation when a boy asks you out. So if its not the boy that you wanted to go out with and you really don’t like the young man that has asked you out, do not ever hurt that young man’s feelings for two reasons. The first reason is if you get the reputation of being mean to boys no one will ever ask you out. The second reason is any pain you give to another person will come back to you a hundredfold. I believe that you will be treated the same as you treat others, so always try to be kind. Now I mention the fact that the young girl has more responsibilities and considerations when it comes to relationships than boys do, so let me talk briefly about that. The first thing is you should always consider your parents and their rules governing your behavior when it comes to dating boys. I know that you think that they are imposing arbitrary old fashioned rules on you, the modern girl, and that things are different in today’s age and you are partially right. The thing that you have to remember is that as long as there have been boys and girls, all the way back to Adam and Eve, the same rules have applied and the reason for this is that young people haven’t yet made the mistakes that will teach them why they have these rules and responsibilities to follow. Your faith or your church is also something that you should consider when thinking of start date. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some religions that are much stricter than others when it comes to young people dating and I personally don’t agree with them all, but you are the one that must choose your faith and, by all means, follow it. You should never arbitrarily, because of someone else’s thinking, abandon any of the rules of your faith. Now having said that, if you are in the position of a boy having asked you out and you are worried whether or not he will kiss you, you may be unsure of how to handle it. Personally, I believe that kissing is one of the sweetest and nicest ways to show someone you care but it can be taken too far on the first date. If you are really worried about if he’s going to kiss you or how to handle whether or not you want him to kiss you, here is some advice. Let me explain what I mean by how he’s going to kiss you and whether or not to let him, as we said when we were kids, French kiss you. If you have just now considered this, I personally think that this would be going too far on the first date. I would say to keep your teeth together and not allow that to happen and if this discourages the boy from ever asking you out again then so be it. He was not really into you. Like I was trying to say, one of the greatest sources on how to handle this is your mother. She had to go through this particular thing exactly like you’re having to but there is a right way and wrong way to approach this with your mother. You can go right up to her and say “what if Billy is going to try to French kiss me. You must remember all of us older people are shocked very easily, so approach her by telling her you want her advice because you’re scared of what might happen on your first date and you don’t know how to react and you don’t want to make a bad impression. Remember, just keep the conversation low key for your mother by telling her that you would never do anything against her wishes or your faith. I’m sure her advice will be much better than you expect. One thing I do want to warn you against is asking your father. Fathers, much like their younger counterparts, would probably not have the best advice. I don’t mean that fathers would not have your best interests at heart, it’s just that you are their little girl and it’s too early for them to even think about sharing your affection and it would probably be the wrong thing to do. One thing I do want to tell you is that relationships should grow and they should probably grow slowly if they are to amount to anything, so this leaves something for both of you to learn together for later. Now I know that I’m sounding like you’re going to have to put a lot of hard work into even your first relationship and that’s exactly what I’m saying. Nothing worthwhile in this world comes to you easily. Unfortunately the girl has more to consider in every relationship she will ever have and more responsibility, this is because of Mother Nature, societal pressures, and peer to peer relationships and your faith. Let’s face it, boys are just hap hazard when it comes to taking care of things at this age. As I said before, boys’ emotional maturity is pretty well nonexistent at this time in their lives. This is caused by hormonal changes that young boys are experiencing and don’t have to live with the consequences that you as a young lady might have to. I’m not going to go over those types of responsibilities as that is the job of your parent’s, church and health professionals. Please, even in these early stages of your relationship development, you must not be afraid to speak to those that have your best interests at heart. Part of having relationships is learning what to do and what not to do. The worst thing you can do if you want to have a relationship is to sit back and do nothing, but remember, doing too much can chase someone away. If you’re walking through the hall and you see Billy, say hello, and if he made a touchdown in last night’s game with that rival school, congratulate him and make the conversation short unless he wishes to talk to you more. Being young once myself, I know and I understand that this is hard to do but you must make yourself available for him to get to know you, but not force yourself on him. If you say nothing at all to him ever, he will never notice you. If you find out that he doesn’t like you as a potential girlfriend, the possibilities are huge that he will be your friend. When I was in junior high school one of my greatest best friends was a girl and, no, she was not my girlfriend as the nomenclature states, she was just my best friend. I want you to take something into consideration and that is that more of the earliest friendships last forever, where most of the boyfriend and girlfriend relationships don’t last. I have seen occasions where friendships have grown into more loving relationships after both a boy and girl grow up a little. So if you value this person, make sure you keep them as a friend. Who knows, maybe someday you will be more than friends. You should also never try to be something you’re not so. If you’re a little more of a tomboy then a girly girl, be that way. If you wear glasses, wear your glasses and, by all means, if you have curly hair, don’t straighten it because you think they would like you different than you really are. That never works. The other person must like you for who you really are. I will assure you that there is someone out there that will cherish your true beauty as it really is. I know from my experiences as a young man that there were some girls that my friends didn’t think were beautiful but I did. I have stated many times that our differences are what makes each one of us so special. What you would consider your shortcomings, someone else might think they are your greatest attributes. I know when you look in the mirror and see your face, you see every single flaw. Let me give you some advice that I never knew how to take till now and I want you listen carefully to this because it is the truth. No one but no one sees the same thing that you do. What you see looking back at you in the mirror is beautiful and no matter what you think, there’s more than one other person out there that thinks it too. So don’t take another second thinking about what you need to change about your looks because if you do that certain someone that was meant for you may not give you that second look. There might even be someone that has looked at you from afar and was scared to death to say anything to you, but if you will follow this one rule, when you change classes say hello to as many people as humanly possible and always use their first names in your greeting. Now that’s my idea of how to get that first date. Oh yes, before I close, remember, you don’t know everything about dating and the young man that has asked out won’t know everything either and both of you are scared to death. So just relax and enjoy your date.
Now about the first date itself, absolutely no darkened movie theaters and my suggestion is that you do not double date. Yes parents, that’s not a good idea. There should be more than four kids! The reason I say more than four is that they will be the same ages you are and will be just as inexperienced, so for the enjoyment of every one, it should be an amusement park or a daytime ballgame or something where there will be a crowd of young people. This is to prevent any unnecessary anxieties of either the girl or the boy and keep them safe and they will just have fun and that’s what dating really should be all about at your age. Once the girl has decided that the young man’s manners and actions are of a young gentleman, then maybe a double date to the movies might be appropriate. In saying that, you, the young girl, has to make that decision. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take your parents into consideration when making that decision but I’m sure you haven’t told your parents everything about how the young man has acted toward you even though you should tell them. If you don’t think the relationship is ready or his actions have been a little more than you care for, you make the right decision. I live in the south and here we put our women on a pedestal, so to speak, but the reason we do this is that they demand that kind of respect and, no matter where you live, you should at this time in your life demand complete respect and your relationship will grow if he really likes you. A lot of times, boys don’t have a clue what to say or how to say it, so don’t wear your feelings on your sleeve, There will be some times when he’s not willing to do the same thing you want to do. These are the times that you both should be with your other friends, at your age you should have a healthy relationship with your girlfriends and still do things with him just as he as well should do things with all of his male companions. It’s very important to have these friends in your life at your age. I want to caution you, picking one over the other can be tricky. They all have their time and place and you must learn how to juggle them without hurting each other’s feelings. Let me give you an example; if your boyfriend is about to win an award at a banquet, but your girlfriends want you to go to the mall that evening, of course, you should go to your boyfriend’s banquet with him. I know that was a super obvious example but I think you get my point. You must weigh the importance of the occasion of both your girlfriends and the boy that you like, to see which one is more important to those people that are in your life, and this not to say that you shouldn’t consider your important events either, which makes it even harder at your age to consider three things at once. So just consider your parents, they’re juggling their relationship with each other and their children, their jobs, their responsibility to the community, and their friends just to mention a few things. They learn how to manage a well-rounded life and what things should be put on hold for more important things at a particular time, just like you’re doing right now. Don’t think you’re the only one in this sinking ship you call your life. I don’t want you to worry. no one’s going to let you drowned. You will get all the help you need, so don’t worry. Speaking of worry, that’s the one thing you don’t need to do. What you do need to do is learn how to cope with boys and your new relationship with them and embarking on these relationships with strange creatures they call boys. I know you’ve heard about a book with the title Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Well that’s kind of the way boys feel about girls as well. You didn’t come with an instruction Manual and all of the boys out there are still learning how to speak, let alone, speak to a girl. Remember, only a few short years ago they had just learned to walk. So give them a break and try to be understanding but remember, you as the girl, must stay in control of the situation. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, let it be known, and if the boy doesn’t listen to you leave the situation immediately. You’ll find nine times out of ten, if he’s a boy worth keeping, he will immediately apologize and whatever made you uncomfortable will stop and never happen again. I don’t mean that you should by any means be mean or spiteful, but it’s up to you to keep the relationship at the level that you feel comfortable with. Never let the relationship go beyond a point that you’re not willing to go, just because you’re afraid of losing the relationship. Most of the time when two young people who are not mature enough, go to a higher level of a relationship before they’re ready to do so, it’s usually over shortly thereafter. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just trying to give you some tried and true advice. I was a young man once myself. I have tried my best to take the relationships I had to higher levels than I was capable of handling. Luckily for me, all of the girls that I dated were young ladies and no matter what a boy tries to tell you, he will love and respect you more for making the proper decision than anything else. Before you do anything, when you think you’re ready for whatever level you’re at to go to the next level, talk it over with someone that’s understanding but mature in their thinking. Your mother may be as good a source to bounce your thoughts off of as anyone. Remember, you can’t just tell her by blurting out what you want to do, but give her some credit. She was in your place at one time too. Tell her you want the truth and most likely she will give you a true opinion of what she thinks before she tells you what you have to do. I know that there are some things in relationships that you think you cannot tell you mother about, and if that is the case, go to an older sister or cousin, and consider their advice. Keeping your faith in mind with any decision you might make concerning a relationship, is absolutely the best source for a young lady to consider. I hope that my thoughts will give you a bit of knowledge you need to start you on your way to the crazy experiences that come along with dating for the first time and growing up.
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