Casper The Friendly Ghost And Me

I remember one Christmas when I was about four years old and I got a talking Casper doll. The head was of the cartoon caricature of Casper The Friendly Ghost and it was made of plastic. The body was a towel stuffed and sown in the shape of his body and a had a hood to cover his head, to hide the speaker in the back of his head, where the record player like device was activated by pulling a string. I had begged my parents to get it for me. The reason was that my greatest fear and nightmares I had as a child was being alone and having no friends. Casper wanted to have a friend too, so I needed him and he needed me.  Being that he was five years older, my brother wanted nothing to do with me and didn’t have much in common with me. I now had a friend to share my adventures with. I know it sounds sappy that I had a doll to help me conquer my

fears. The reoccurring nightmares were horrifying; my parents would drive off, leaving me running after them screaming for them to come back. Casper was my security so if that ever happened, I would not be alone. I wore my first Casper completely out so my mother got me another one, along with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, to keep me safe from the nightmares. It worked well but the fear of being alone followed me all of my life. My loving wife is now my rock that keeps the fear away.

My older brother, as older brothers do, would tease me about the dolls and I had

curly hair so his friends would pick on me, as well, about looking like a girl and playing with dolls. I guess that I made up for it by being a rough little terror. That only isolated me even more and didn't help me make friends very well. No one could understand the trauma that a young boy being teased in that manner could inflict. I do. It was traumatic. I never knew that I had a lot of friends. You see, I tried so hard not to think about it all my life till now. I am so sorry that I missed that feeling of being liked by a lot of people like my friends at Airways, but I guess it was my defense mechanism trying to protect myself. I did try as hard as I could to make friends and not to show anyone that I was vulnerable. I may have over compensated at times and I wouldn't have wanted anyone to think badly of me, but I fear that I did and I guess I still do. Sorry!

I had started watching reruns of the Mickey Mouse Club with Spin and Marty on ABC. It was about two young boys that were from two completely different life styles and the troubles they went through, till they became best friends. When my parents saw how much I enjoyed the show, they decided to send me to a young boys dude ranch summer camp nearby. My brother, in his older brother wisdom, told me the only reason that mom and dad were sending me to a dude ranch for boys summer camp was to get rid of me. Oh my goodness, my nightmare had returned and in real life, so I went to my mother crying "are you trying to get rid of me by sending me to summer camp". She said “there’s no way now that I will send you to camp and you must never think that I would ever want to get rid of you”. I have my brother to thank for never going to camp and also to thank him for finding out that my parents would never want to get rid of me. I have learned to like myself and I have come to understand myself. My loneliness is sometimes a blessing and I understand that now but, as I have said before, it is still and I guess it always will be my greatest fear.