The seasons change

As the seasons change so did our lives and now I am feeling the autumn of my life so very strong this year. I'm glad that things have slowed down in my life and are not quite as hard as they were because the will is there and the want to is there, but the body does not always cooperate. As it is written, there is a time for everything and as our time comes slowly to an end,

I can't help but feel sad, there are so many more things to do, so much more of the world to see and so much more life to live. I have had the best of times and as they have written, I have had the worst of times, but my life has been an exciting journey through endless wonder and imagination. I know that you, my friends, would say that I'm full of it and I would have to agree. I think that my generous imagination has made my life so much more exciting than it would have been if I had not embellished on what life set before me. I don't mean drama, because one thing I don't need, especially in the latter days of my life, is drama. What I'm talking about is when you see the pyramids in Egypt, do you look at them and say how magnificent or do you look at them and wonder about the people who made them and why they were made and were the people that actually did the construction work on these majestic pyramids just like us, striving to make it through one more day. Did they just want to make a better life for all their descendants, or were they enslaved and beaten and made to work relentless hours of torturous work. When you look at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, can you see the wise men coming upon Joseph and Mary and bestowing gifts upon the Christ child or do you just see a well ornamented church. I see all of these things and much more. When I look upon a piece of history or a marvel of construction from 4000 years ago, I can hear the anguish of those workers after a hard day’s work sitting down to a meal still hurting from their labor. I see the chariots racing across the roads in Luxor headed for the temples.

When I look back at my life, I see extremely humble beginnings that I was proud of what I was given in life. I see a boy growing into a man without a clue of how that process is supposed to happen. I see a man making mistakes and learning by them and keeping his head held high even when he has failed. A wise man once said a young man needs a good failure to help him understand what it takes to be a success. I have always been able to figure out things and work with my hands better than most people I know. I always have told myself that if someone made this, I can fix it or build it myself. That's why I did over 70% of the work on my log house with the help of one friend and my wife. I am proud to say that I built this house with my own two hands. Yes it's not perfect but neither am I. I am just a man longing for enough time in this world to have made a difference. The only thing I have ever wished for that people would say of me is that he is a good soul and I'm glad he passed my way. I have said once before that I believe that my life has been an extraordinary gift and then I celebrate the past, present and the future with all that is within me. This tinker of many trades and master of none has worked hard his entire life.

 October makes me extremely sad but within that sadness I celebrate a young boy who stumbled his way into manhood who can proudly say he did it his way. There has been love lost and love cherished for a lifetime and there's not many men that truly know what true love is all about. I have given my heart to the one I love now and she has graced me with her love. I am the most appreciative to her for that she has been my rock through some of the roughest times in my life. I am also glad that I have reconnected with a lot of the friends that I went to school with, because I never knew how much I cared about them or that they cared about me. I have walked most of my life with depression. It was not a debilitating depression but one that kept me from seeing those that cared. I still fight that battle today but it's not as bad because I have come to know a young boy born at St. Joseph's hospital in February 1956 very well. He wears his feelings on his sleeve because he cares so much about everything and everyone. He has a stubborn streak a mile long that he has learned to use and not abuse. Even though I show you the vulnerability in my writing, it's still extremely hard to actually let go of it in my day-to-day life. I don't think I have ever really been confident about things. I have learned to analyze and be objective and make a decision and stick to it. If that is confidence than I guess I have some, but it has taken a long time for me to realize that. I know that I had learning disabilities that no one knew about back in the days when I was in school. I have learned to overcome them and use them to my advantage when I can. I am not weak and I am not foolish. I am a strong caring person who has done his best and I want to tell you, all of my friends, every one of you, you are exceptional souls and I'm so glad that we shared the time that we had together.

Like most people I don't know when my time will come. I hope its years from now and I hope I have the time to see you all again someday before that time comes. When I pray each day, I pray for those we have lost that were in our neighborhoods and I pray for each and every one of you to have a long and joyful life. We have lost too many of our friends in these past years and, unfortunately, they will not be the last. Even though I mourn their loss, I try to celebrate their life even more. I ask you to keep me in your prayers. I have never forgotten that little house on Durby Street in Memphis, Tennessee and all of those people that lived in our neighborhoods and I hope I never will. God bless you all.

PS I told you I tried not to write sad things in October, but it just comes out that way and, the funny thing about it is, I enjoy the holiday of Halloween as much as any holiday we have. I love the old funny, spooky shows that I always watch on Halloween. I love seeing the kids in their costumes and, let's face it, who doesn't like candy, so why am I so depressed?